0 Tip 256: Letter to 2 years old Haruka

Dear my darling Haruka,

I have fond memories of you being 1 year old till you celebrate your 2 year old birthday in Tokyo. During this period, you had the most international experience that many other children your age did not have. You traveled and stayed at England, France, Hong Kong, Tokyo and Okinawa. You may be young then, but I am sure all these experiences added to your enhanced perception of life and ability to adapt in various cultures. Daddy had so much fun being up close and personal with you, by baby wearing you everywhere.  Often times, daddy would complain why you would not want to walk by yourself instead, as it was heavy carrying you long distances, but I had so much fun communicating with you that I realized it is a cherished moment that daddy would not trade anything for. Time spent with you when you were young were very precious.

I remembered some of our conversations and moments when daddy's head was next to yours. We would play hum a tune and guess the song. Even in the midst of blazing hot sun or pattering rain on the umbrella, we were so immersed in daddy's tune and you amazingly guessed every tune with the name of the song. Every time, daddy spotted an interesting flower or animal, I would point it to you and you would then come down from daddy's embrace to look for the little squirrel. With such fun we had, we did not need strollers even when daddy would sometimes bring it just in case. Daddy had free workout on my arms and pelvis muscles when carrying you and you had a free commentary on life. Daddy had a passport to nice events from the kindness of others who would be in awe of a cute charming Asian toddler and we had so much fun together.

I remembered the time when you were dancing on the red carpet of the premier of the movie "Australia" at Oxford Street and the Jazz band was in full applause for your showmanship. Daddy was all proud that my daughter was in the favour of the crowd. Everywhere your small stature took you, crowds were praising how a cute little girl you were. I am sure that added an ounce of confidence in how you further brought yourself up to interact with others. You would not be fearful to step forward to dance or to observe others more closely. This gave both of us, lots of interesting moments abroad to see life in different lenses and not just as tourists. I am thankful that despite all the travels, you were healthy to adapt easily, which would give daddy one less  headache to manage. Thank you for being tough deep inside you.

Daddy fed you with a steady supply of Barney DVDs and mummy consistently read you Japanese books every night. You maintained a superb command of languages and would instantly remember a French greeting you hear it just once. During our reading sessions, you progressively remembered both English and Japanese vocabulary for all objects and verbs. You enjoyed playing with European kids in the Sunday school in Canary Wharf. It helps that we can be mobile as you were potty trained at 16 months old with just a few mishaps after that. So daddy and mummy just took you where ever we like to go. In more of our walks together spending time to communicate, we went beyond the basic conversations in 2 languages, to encouraging you to develop an enquiring mind.
Even before the age of 2 years old, we experimented with the Why questions. Daddy was so delighted that we covered a lot of stories and intelligent conversations together. This stimulates daddy to continue such efforts to spur your intelligence and reflect on communication with toddlers. Blogging about our experiences inspires daddy to also try this for Sayaka and Wataru. Parenting is a pleasure when we connect with our children. Thank you Haruka for giving daddy such a privilege and joy. I pray that you will continue to cherish all these experiences you share with daddy. This blog documents most of my experiences with you, as daddy had more time earlier to blog and take lots of pictures with you. Please be nice to your siblings and love them as much as daddy loved you. The blog documents the many discoveries I wish to share with all my children so that they grow beautiful inside and out, like you. Love, Papa.

(Photos show Haruka's travel to Paris, Palace of Versailles, London, Kagurazaka and her 2 year old birthday celebrated at the Garden Lounge of Hotel New Otani, Tokyo).

Detail: Tip 256: Letter to 2 years old Haruka

0 Tip 153: Daddy bath time while it last

I blogged on bathing Haruka when she was around 3 months old and again when she was 6 months to a year old. Then, she was dependent on daddy's support while bathing her and to teach her to play in the bath tub.

After 1 year old, babies can most certainly sit in the bath tub by themselves. They are no longer fearful of being alone in the water. Daddies role then is to talk to her and keep her bath time exciting. But, this special time would not last forever, as the baby begin to develop their sense of space and independent play.

After 1 year old, I noticed Haruka enjoys talking and listening more than just mere playing. She observes different creative ways to play with the water. She enjoys me singing to her while bathing. She enjoys me talking to her. It is the best opportunity for daddy to build quality time to communicate.

I would ask Haruka, "how was your day today? Are you happy today?". Even if she does not answer, she understands. Later, as this is repeated regularly, she would nod when its a yes, and later, she even speaks about what she did in simple words. "Did you play with the babies? Are the babies clever and good today?". I always try to ask Haruka questions that she can say yes to or nod. This allows her to be happy to communicate as she can respond and knows that I understand her communication.

Though, whenever daddy is busy for a few days in a row, that bath time role can easily be lost. At an age where Haruka begins to like to play or do things her way, she would find the bath tub too crowded for 2 people. That is a sign that the child is growing. Now, I still have a chance to feed her and later drive her. But, I doubt she would stay a baby forever. Nor daddy's little girl.

Do you daddies still bath your kids? How old are they? Do you leave them to play after the initial scrub and cleaning?

(Photos show evidence of daddy spending time to bath Haruka (with his swimming trunks daily), and my last few photos of Paris at the Museum Carnavalet, Opera Garnier and the Obelisque).

Detail: Tip 153: Daddy bath time while it last

0 Tip 152: Bean bags can be fun

Bean bags (or batu seremban as called in Malaysia or Otedama as called in Japan) can be played by even babies under 2 years old. The objective is not to have game rules but to have fun balancing and throwing the bean bags. As in all new toys, daddy need to be involved in showing how it is played. Sometimes, put in some sound effects since many words are still too complicated for under 2 year olds. Lots of laugh and clowning around helps to make the game interesting. Then, slowly creativity makes its way when the baby is used to the toy and explores it.

In Japan, it is only 3 bean bags instead of 5 as in Malaysia. I started playing the balancing game on my hand by trying not to let any fall on the floor, but to balance all 3 bean bags on my hand. Whenever, any of the bean bags fall, I would make a funny remark and expression on my face which kept Haruka in stitches. As I did it a few times, she understood the idea of balancing something on one's hand. She could not balance it on her small hands like I could, but its a soft object that is good for tossing. One day, while playing, she balanced it on her head and laughed whenever it dropped. What a good way to learn balancing and even to develop a sense of humour. This is a simple example of how simple objects can be fun to play with and yield creative lessons. No need to be shopping for the latest gadgets from Toys"R"Us. There will always be an opportunity to pamper our kids with expensive toys, once they go to school and start comparing toys with other kids. Rather, at an early age, time spent in playing together means more. The money on toys can all be saved.

Any other fun classic games for under 2 year olds? Please do share.

(Photos show the Seine river, the Pont Alexandre III bridge and Moulin Rouge, Paris).

Detail: Tip 152: Bean bags can be fun

0 Tip 151: Commanding your spirit aloud

I had the pleasure of listening to the Haydn & Mendelssohn Bicentenary Choral Concert in Tokyo presented by the British Embassy Choir and Orchestra. That was a luxury as babies are not allowed at concert and I am away from the helpful hands of family members. It was a pity that I missed all the musicals while in London. Hopefully, when the children are big enough to enjoy it, we can go together as family one day. The concert presented Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy's Wie der Hirsch schreit (Psalm 42) among others. Through Mendelssohn's music, I could feel the loud commanding of David (of the bible) to his soul, to put his trust in God in Psalm 42:5. How very true that in all the melancholy, there needs to be the firm command and instruction to our soul to focus on 1 thing. Stop dwelling on the wrong thought and emotion. Instead, focus on God and trust Him. For through God, all praises and joy burst flow. Through God, salvation and help is present. At times, there needs to be a time to retreat into a solitary place to gain perspective. At other times, a mere habit of rebuking one's spirit to focus on the right thing.

David yearns for the days when he had the highest spiritual experience and God was using Him greatly to lead others on something important to God. He felt special and important then. He felt God was so close to him then. Success can sometimes be a double edged sword to make you wish for the best things in life that you had, but which you may not always get. Often times, God does not work on man's schedule and wants, but through His timing. When we do see the big picture later, we would understand why we should have been patient. Yet, before that time comes, melancholy could sip into the spirit. That's when a loud command to focus on the right thing is necessary. I look back and recall so many such melancholy at play. It could drag for long periods. The downcast spirit inside me makes me feel that I have done something wrong, such that I could not achieve the same greatness and same experience I had with God previously. Yet, the only thing I needed to do was just be content and trust in God for His timing. Rather, the downcast spirit many times would lead you to be impatient, and drift away on self pity which leads to possibilities of doing wrong things and giving up on God. Hence, before that happens, one needs to command aloud the spirit to trust in God.

Isn't this so true? Anyone have no periods of melancholy? Guys have it less as they head for arcade or computer games to focus not on heart matters, but I think that's just temporal.

(Photos show St Eustache church, Forum Les Halles, Gare Du Nord and Pl Des Victoires, Paris)

Detail: Tip 151: Commanding your spirit aloud

0 Tip 150: Instilling spontaneous kindness

I am currently in Tokyo for a holiday before starting my next assignment. Good chance for us earlier to stay in Okinawa, so the whole family could catch up with my in laws and for them to spend as much time as they want with Haruka, while me and Tomomi finally have our break time to be alone together. For a brief week, Tomomi stayed at Okinawa a while longer, while I had errands in Tokyo.

Went to church by myself and an interesting encounter got me reflecting on this blog post. It was raining and I just finished church service. Had a stroll in the drizzle which I wouldn't do with family. Though on clear days, a stroll down safe Japanese streets adorned with flowers is much more pleasant than the train ride. On a quiet street, a father and his son aged less than 10 years passed by me and asked me for directions if I knew where a particular badminton racquet shop was. He was holding a wet leaflet with the addrress and details of discounts available. I said I did not know where it was. But, I continued to tell him that I knew that the street we are at would unlikely have this shop. I told him he could walk accross to the other side where there was a large sports shopping complex. His son's eyes gleamed hoping his dad would give up and his dad gave a quick nod. His son thanked me. I continued walking and looked back. His dad was still searching the street signs.

I went ahead to window shop while a thought came to mind that I could actually had accompanied them to the large sports shopping complex and bought his son a racquet. It could be his first racquet. It could be more expensive without discounts, but I doubt they were eyeing the designer labels of the highest price tags. It must be stressful to support a family in Tokyo with a hard labourer's wages and want to give the best to your children. The materialistic kids these days would give the pressure of owning the best. They say if you want to win in sports, you have to have the best racquet, the best gear. If you want to get an A grade in art, you must have the best paint brush, best paintset. Poor daddy. Just wanting to see the gleaming pride of his son appreciating his dad's labour of love. I was back again at the same street to head home and was praying that the duo would be still there, but there were gone. Else, I could have mustered courage to offer kindness even if it was declined.

If only I had spontaneous kindness. I naturally have spontaneous lies. Spontaneous hands to grab free samples. Spontaneous eyes to see the curves. Spontaneous driving skills to maneuver a traffic jam. Spontaneous reflects to stop a snatch thief. Once a decade ago, on my first day of a part time job selling F1 tickets at the Malaysian Sepang International Circuit, a European customer commended me of my reflects when the customer before him tried to steal my cash at the ticket counter. I was swift to held it away even after a long day dealing with countless people and considering it was my first time selling tickets ever in my life. So why no spontaneous kindness? I am sure it comes with training. First, the need to blog to start a paradigm shift in my mind to have full resolve. Next, to start on many small acts of kindness of giving instead of always taking. I think quantity breeds quality. Though, for some, you could excel even if it was your first time.

There are so many small kindness that may be insignificant, yet makes this world a better place. Paying the toll fare for the car behind you to save someone's time, paying for someone's bus fare when they are out of change, or meal when their wallets are dry. It does battle with the mind that ultimately all these contradicts with the very goal of saving and thus spontaneous kindness is difficult. But once we taste appreciation, its every penny worth it. I was teaching in Sunday School years back and a kid from another class had a tape on his crooked spectacles from falling apart. I asked him why and he said he knew his dad would not buy a new one for his careless accident. The next week, I took that boy and his friend for a drink and we stopped by the optician and ordered a new pair of student budget glasses. He got a good vision and a smarter image. I no longer see him or know what he is currently doing, but his smile was worth every penny. Though, back then, it was not spontaneous either and I could have missed the chance if he had not came the following week.

Readers, please do share any success stories on instilling spontaneous kindness?

(Photos show the Museum Louvre and the Louvre Palace and the Tuileries Garden next to it).

Detail: Tip 150: Instilling spontaneous kindness

0 Tip 149: Growing roots like the bamboo

As I read about the growth of the bamboo tree, after reading an Indonesian parable of the bamboo and the fern, I thought more about roots. If a gardener would know the bamboo tree well and know it needs time to develop its system of roots, do we as daddies provide ample time and opportunity for our children to grow roots through trial and error? Or do we intervene unnecessarily such that the child has not had enough time to learn for themselves? Though, daddy needs to know when to intervene when the child is in danger and is incapable of handling the situation by themselves. The more roots, the taller the bamboo grows. That could mean a lot of anxiety to the daddy though. Not unless daddy knows well. Same can be said of the omniscient God who cares for us. But, of course daddies are not God. The following some dry facts about bamboo growth.

The growth of Bamboos varies from species to species. The Bamboo tree devotes most of its energy to develop the rhizome system of roots in the initial years. As a bamboo grove develops, the new culm (canes) become larger in diameter and the height increases in each new cane until the grove reaches maturity.

The oldest culms are usually the smallest in size.The new culms, produced during the Spring of each successive year,will emerge larger than the previous year's growth, as a general rule.

This is due to the increase in the underground system of rhizome of roots. The larger the rhizome system, the faster it will begin to produce larger and numerous shoots. You can not short cut the amount of time it takes a species to establish it's rhizome system. It is very important to realize that the bamboo division you begin with is only going to grow underground. The culms (cane) attached to the rhizomes or roots has finished growing and will only support the rhizome system. So do not expect the culm to take off and get larger or taller.

Each Spring the culm emerges the diameter it will be and grows to the height it is going to be in a couple of months. It takes bamboo about three full years, in the ground, before the mother plants really take off and start producing multiple shoots.

The mother plant (no matter what size that you begin with) is finished growing in diameter and height, but the rhizome will grow outward underground. Bamboo is a (grass) colony plant and most of the bamboo grove will be underground.

Each Spring, the new culms will begin to emerge larger in height and diameter than the previous Spring's growth, until the mature size of that species is reached after several years.

Okay, enough of bamboos for the day. Do share any bamboo growth tips and more lessons into the mystery of the fastest growing woody plant on terra firma. (The fastest growing plant on earth is the seaweed). For those not bamboo experts, but daddy the expert, do share if you had a situation of anxiety when you were unsure whether to intervene or not?

(Photos show Musee D'Orsay, Paris reknowned for its collections of art, and a view from a window there that should probably not be openned, overlooking Sacre Coeur on top of a hill).

Detail: Tip 149: Growing roots like the bamboo